i just finished watching "broken english" with parker posey.

which somehow uncapped me and all my fizz runneth over. spanish is my first language. i still remember moving to the states and feeling mute and like i'd never get it. and after all these years the kid inside continues being on strike & still upset about the relative infrequency of kissing and hair petting. because i had been used to it ALL THE TIME. things have changed. i've "over-adapted" and i barely pet anyone's head or play with anyone's hair unless i really can't help it (have you seen emily buhrley's hair?). i kiss people but only if i'm absolutely certain they won't mind. and i rarely read the dictionary to make sure i'm not missing out on something. but i remain hopelessly unable to hear my mom's supposedly heavy accent.

and last night O'lover and i roamed the streets for hours. we watched the moon play hide-and-seek behind the clouds and i remembered how much of my summer was spent indoors, with fluorescent lighting in an office with no windows. and how it seems that all the rules that we've created, all the restrictions about what success looks like, about what's expected from an adult, about how can you be in your mid-30s and be fine that you don't have children (And I am perfectly fine. because really my life is SWEET.) and on and on until i feel so reigned in that i can't breathe.

And as soon as our house is rentable we're outta here. to go where the rules are different and i might fall in love with being an adult again. and i know, i just know that upon my return i'll be seeing p-town with fresh eyes.

and fresh eyes are just what i need.