Detox

Who knew that grain withdrawal would have me under lockdown, scratching at the walls, begging in tears and bargaining with Oliver to LET ME HAVE A PIECE OF BREAD.

Thank my lucky stars and my slow to rebel ways, because if it's this hard for me to get off pasta then how would it be to get off heroin, or all those other drugs I forget the names of because i'm too preoccupied with getting high off of Oliver’s brew of dark hot chocolate with cayenne and mustard.

This once upon a time 10 year vegetarian, me, was told by a health professional in no uncertain terms that my body belongs to that of a hunter/gatherer. YAY I get to pick berries! Noooo….gulping sadness... my gut isn’t EVOLVED enough to eat cuisine like you at a restaurant where they serve ingredients. mixed together.

To complicate my food matters, after those ten years of being vegetarian my body doesn’t know what to do with hard core protein, a basic building block that my body NEEDS but doesn’t know HOW TO USE once it has it. AHHHH!

On the bright side, I think I could build a convincing case for a hunter/gatherer being granted the right to wander about outside all day, making flower crowns and grazing on pine nuts and dandelion leaves.

Come to think of it...it's not just my gut that's hunter/gatherer...it's my SOUL.